Differences

I still haven't read a relationship's book that tells the truth about how awesomely awkward are the first days of the possible future-to-be-couple.

Before he/she can gain your trust and become "yours", you have to really-really-really want to share your time and thoughts with him/her. Of course there are major differences between you two! Or course you know nothing wbout him/her! Of course she drives you crazy every time she's late! Of course you have every right to be upset when he ignores your calls and messages. Of course she drives you crazy when she complaints about money!... But you have to ignore all or find some work-arounds if you want to be with her on long term. Keep in mind that what you tolerate now, later you will hate. Better learn to accept him/her as he/she is and don't spend your " powers" trying to change him/her.

My father used to say to say:
If you don't know, I'll teach you.
If you can't, I'll help you.
If you don't want to, I'll make you!
Last one doesn't really apply to relationships, because no one should be stubborn.

What makes you more disappointed: the knowledge you have about her or she not being able to meet expectations?
Imagine standing in front of a door you've never seen before, just about to go into someone's home. Keep in mind you know nothing about this house or person living inside. Using your senses (smell, light, design, textures) you start imagining what's inside the house and you start having expectations about the place. Once you open the door, knowledge and experience start: you discover the hallway with his objects and colours and a first expectations are met or you're disappointed. In the dining room you are told that dinner will be served shortly, so you start imagining the menu, along with tastes, smells and food textures, along with how it should look. Food arrives, expectations are meet, knowledge is strong, so the experience is good.
Knowledge can't disappoint, only expectations can.

Are you "partner" material?
Why do you need a relationship?
Why you want to have a family?
Why you want to have kids?

Choose wisely!

About Beginnings

In almost 30 years of living you get to see a lot of stuff, good or bad, incredible or dull, and you get to know a lot of people with real/raw or fake attitude. I’m not perfect, but one can only hope to find perfection in imperfection.

I wrote a lot about endings and the drama of a terminated relationship, so I guess it’s time for me to write something about the stress behind a new love beginning.

Sometimes we feel suffocated by previous relationships and we're left almost dead inside. So we need something fresh, something to cheer us up, something that will get us out of that past-haunted place we’re in. If love is a sad time, it's because we’re scared of being left alone with our bad decisions... So what should we do? Build new bridges.

It makes my stomach twist when people still believing in love-fairy-tales. Sometimes reading too much love stories and relationship books can distort your vision about reality and make you fantasize more than you should. A couple is made by two imperfect persons, two unknown variables that become stable and known once they're together.

Every new relationship should be about milk and honey, and should bring you to a state of happiness and calm that you didn’t have before. You and your partner should be like two magnets, attracted by the differences in each other, and when joined together, you should become ONE small group, strong, inseparable, a perfect team.

Before getting in relationship with that girl or guy, you should feel happy and accomplished without feeling the desperate need to share the bed or life with someone else. You shouldn't feel incomplete just because you're scared of being alone. If you don't get to taste happiness while being single, you shouldn't deserve to be in a relationship with someone. You'll never be happy in couple if you don't know how to be happy by yourself. Unless you are a dependent person and lack in character, needy and broken. When single, others feel attracted by the joy you have, by what you stand for and this makes them wanting to partner you. This is a lesson learnt the hard way. And now I know that time&life throw at you different events, make you go through hell, so you have to keep going! But not everyone goes through the same things as you did, as not everyone learns the same way, even though the outcome of the lesson might be the same in the end. Makes sense?

I can’t have a relationship with a girl that I don’t feel attracted mentally and physically. Feels wrong to be involved with someone that doesn't make me ask for MORE!

We might be the right one for each other, but if the time is bad, there’s no purpose on waiting for better times. She might be an emotional wreck and say: "You are good with me and I like you a lot, but you’ve met me in the darkest time of my life. I can’t tell you to wait for me. I can’t blame you if leaving is the best choice for you, but I can ask you to stay and try." Will you do it?  Will you wait to make herself available for you? If she puts you aside and tells you to go baby steps and so that she can convince yourself from distance you worth the trouble, is it because she's probably been too far, too quickly in previous relationships?

He might say this to you: "I like you a lot. I fell you are my soul mate. Please wait for me to find the strength to end the relationship that I'm in right now and we will be together after. I have very big problems with her and even more with her family, so I can't wait for this to finish!" Will you stay in his queue?

If you have a long distance relationship, be prepared to paint a picture in your head about your partner that will be different from what he really is. I have experience in this subject so you can take my word for it. And when together, you will feel the need to communicate in writing or to close your eyes, as if you were calling him...

If everything in your life is unstable, then look for something stable before destroying the life of your possible-future-to-be-partner. Or perhaps, your partner is the only stable thing  around you to grab on. Emotional stability and clean mind. This is a divine grace!

If you are not ready for a relationship, then why are you even knocking on my door if you can’t enter?

Usually things that I get enthusiastic for, end up on being a disappointment. When you have tried almost every possible option, you know what works and what doesn't. Follow the rules and avoid what you don't need. It's like driving: if you keep the speed limit, you will get to the end of your trip. If to slow, you might get distracted by the surroundings and stop along the way. If you drive too fast, you might die, for not being able to stop in time in case of an emergency.

Think more, shut up more, do more and pray hard!

Can we be a team playing against the world and win? I think we can, as long as Jesus Christ is our team manager/coach.

About today and tomorrow

In the recent years, the quality of life has become more and more unacceptable. Values became undesirable and we're behaving like there is no tomorrow. And this is just the begining; there are far worse things to happen in the future years.

Here's my view on few of today's agenda:
•homosexuality: even though I understand "why" and "how", I don't like the "game." So very often I discover wonderful and amazing people in this game, but I still think that what they're doing is unnatural. Please stop being so aggressive in your progay campaigns!

•feminism: as a friend of mine said: "Feminism, just another way to tear apart people". A woman is as equal as a men and should be treated accordingly. We're different, otherwise all of us would be just men or just women. Imagine a company: all people are equal, but playing different parts, with different roles and responsibilities. Equals, but not the same;

•muslims: real Muslims are wonderful people, respectful and with great love for Allah. What I like about them, and the jews, is that they're helpful with each other, and you will never see on of them starving in their community.

-ISIS: I doubt they're muslims, and I think with them is more about politics than religion. They're just hiding behind the Quran, claiming they're doing the will of Allah by claiming the lives of the "infidels". It's too mainstream to be real. Remember Al-Qaida? Same story, different players.

Because many of you wanted my oppinion on the events to come, here it is:
All this events with ISIS (and whatever other radical-religious group will follow) will lead the people if this Earth to hate religion and what it stands for. There will come a Christian Church with the idea of showing to the World what religion really is and will make a call for all the christian churces and all other religions willing to gather as one against the terror caused by non-believers (radical-muslims and the rest). Even the atheist will become members of this global "family." This religious union will be probably lead by the Catholic church, since they're the biggest Christian group.

This union will come with a set of "common-sense" rules that will separate the good ones from the bad ones. This will be just a cover-up to get the world united as one and to manipulate them easier. If you're not part of this group, your life will be a living hell: you will have no access to jobs, food or accommodation, you will be hated and despised by everybody, and you will easily be subject for "random" police checks, you will be hunted, incarcerated, beaten and after a while, there will be a death sentence on you. Do you remember how the Nazis hunted the Jews with their Gestapo police? This time will be hundred times worse.

Also keep in mind that books are becoming more and more electronic, and hardcopies will eventually become unavailable. This way will be easier to control "what is written!" If you want a book to vanish, a virus will do the trick.
During this process and time, every human in the world will have heard about Jesus Christ. Each one will have to decide with whom he/she stands. This global union will serve a common purpose, will have a common belief and will cast a shadow over those who disagree with it.

There will be no more love for the one next to you, there will only be doubt and fear, people fearing for their "safety" and most of all, there will be no more faith. Religion will become tabu and those who will dare to go to church on a different day or will follow some principles different than what the union decided, will automatically be seen as radicals/infidels and will become one of the "NO" group; even though they're technically better than all the rest. You will become a threat for the society just because you decide to have your Saturdays off, or if you don't eat pork, people at shops will see what food you're buying and start asking you: "Are you a radical believer?" and you might not be able to buy anything. Maybe they will call the police too. And maybe you will lose your job for that, and you won't have money for rent/mortgage. And your kids will need food on the table, and bills will need to be paid, so you'll become desperate enough to compromise. This will be the hardest test ever: faith or life.

God is just, good and great. We should trust Him and He will provide. Be ready and keep going!

B E ° M O R E ° M O U N T A I N ©

B E ° M O R E ° M O U N T A I N

©

stay strong and tall




photo from GOOGLE search

Cum de nu m-am insurat inca

- Gabi, de ce inca esti singur?

- Dar cine a zis ca sunt singur?

- Omule, ai 31 de ani. Cand te insori si tu?

- Pe bune?! Hai Gica, lasa-ma cu povestile astea! Daca te-ai insurat, asta nu inseamna ca tre' sa ma insor si eu acum. Mai lasa-ma, ca mai e timp. Doar n-am intrat in anul mortii!

- Dar e altfel cu o nevasta. Ai si tu mancare calda...

- Serios?! De asa trebuie sa ma insor? Ai mancat de la mine mancare mai buna decat de la maica-ta.

- Nu ma mai intrerupe! Deci, mancare calda, haine curate si calcate, pat cald...

- Aha. Deci vrei sa-mi iau o menajera, o sclava mica ce sa-mi tina casa in ordine si sa ridice dosul ori de cate ori am nevoie.

- Esti culmea! Nu sclava, dar ceva in genul...

- Si uite cum Gica isi da arama pe fata!...

- Hai, gata!

- Dragule, m-ai vazut cu atatea femei, am fost impreuna la atatea fete si tot spui ca sunt singur?

- Poate gasesti pe cineva care sa ramana.

- Aha. Si unde vrei sa o gasesc, in piata? Sau cum vrei sa o caut? Mai bine pun anunt in fata blocului:

"Tanar, 31 de ani, 1.86 inaltime, cu inceput de calvitie, cu apartament si loc de munca stabil, caut sotie tanara, inalta frumoasa si desteapta. Daca ai si zestre, e un avantaj. Candidatele sunt rugate sa sune la Gica 617-75-23 dupa ora 7 seara" ?

- Dar de ce cu numele meu?

- Daca tot vrei sa ma insor, nu vrei sa o si alegi?

- Oof! Hai, las-o balta. Tre' sa plec la munca. Mananci la mine?

- Multumesc, dar nu. Te salut, ca ma duc sa fac un dus si apoi plec la munca, ii spuse tovarasului sau care statea intr-un bloc de vizavi.

In zilele urmatoare, intrebarea "Cum de nu m-am insurat inca?" l-a framantat pe Gabriel. A trecut in revista toate relatiile si a cautat sa inteleaga de ce niciuna nu a functionat. Era ferm convins ca a facut tot ce tinea de el pentru ca acele relatii sa se prelungeasca pe termen lung.

- Buna Gabriel. Nu ma asteptam sa te mai vad pe aici.

- Buna Geta. Eram prin zona si m-am gandit sa te salut, ii spuse el celei care aproape ca avea sa ii devina sotie in urma cu 7 luni, o vanzatoare intr-un aprozar din Tei, daca mama lui nu i-ar fi facut un scandal monstru...

- Cu ce sa te servesc?

- Aha! Deci nu vrei sa... Atunci da-mi te rog un kilogram de bot de iepure.

- Ba da, dar stai sa-ti dau mai intai merele si ne vedem in 5 minute in spate. Bine?

- Bun.

In cele 5 minute trecute, Gabriel deja purtase vreo 2-3 discutii imaginare cu Geta, asa ca nu prea mai simtea nevoia sa ii spuna motivul prezentei sale in zona. Bruneta aparu de dupa usa mare albastra de metal.

- Ce mai faci?

- Pai, imi era dor de tine si voiam sa te vad.

- Hai lasa zaharelul, domnule inginer. Mamica ta stie unde esti?

- Geta, stii prea bine ca te iubesc si te-am iubit. Mama nu are nicio legatura.

- Aha, evident! Cum altfel mi-as putea explica prezenta ta azi, aici, la aprozar?!

- Pe bune?! Deci asa vrei sa vorbim?

- Am zis eu ca vreau sa vorbim? Ce ai avea tu de vorbit cu o vanzatoare de piata?

- Geta, inceteaza te rog!

- O sa ramai singur cu mamicuta ta, ca de asta te-a facut la batranete, sa te aiba ca un catelus, aproape de ea mereu!

- Apropo, mama s-a mutat in zona si chiar nu departe de aici.

- Glumesti!

- Deloc.

- Hai mai Gabi! spuse ea pe un ton de frica si anxietate...

- Nu te speria, ca nu musca, ii raspunse in timp ce o cuprinse cu bratele si ii mangaie parul, in timp ce o tinea la piept.

- Cum, mai, sa spuna ea ca stau cu tine doar pentru ca vreau buletin de Bucuresti?! Lacrimile se asezara in ochii ei...

- Asa face ea cand se enerveaza: vorbeste prostii.

- Gata, ca trebuie sa ma intorc!

- Cand te mai vad?

- Nu stiu, chiar nu stiu... ii raspunse, in timp ce in urma ei usa se inchidea.

- Dar nu am vrut sa te fac sa suferi...

- Tovarase, ati spus ceva? il intreba un domn ce trecea pe strada.

- Ah, nu. Ma scuzati! Vorbeam sigur.

- De la varsta asta?

- Anii sunt doar numere...

- Domnul meu, da-mi te rog voie sa-ti mai spun ceva.

- Sigur. Va rog, spuneti!

- Cand vei fi de varsta mea, cauta sa ai langa tine o sotie iubitoare, copii sanatosi, fericiti si un loc unde sa te odihnesti in pace la final. Orice barbat in viata asta trebuie sa faca cel putin trei lucruri: sa planteze un copac, sa isi faca o casa si cel putin un copil. Tine minte astea de la mine!

- Sa traiti! O sa iau aminte. Multumesc frumos!

- O zi buna si imi scuzati deranjul, ii spuse domnul batran pe un ton bland si relaxat.

- Eu va multumesc. Sanatate!

Cele trei lucruri pe care batranul i le spusese ca tin de datoria oricarui barbat, avea sa i le impartaseasca mai tarziu in viata propriului sau fiu. Dar sa revenim la acea dimineata de martie, in care Gabriel cauta sa inteleaga de ce inca era singur. De la Geta din Tei, trecu in Colentina. Aici locuia si lucra Mioara, o satena de 180cm inaltime, de care se despartise in urma cu 3 ani. Intre timp, ea se casatorise si avea un baietel, pe nume Matei-Gabriel. Dupa cateva minute de conversatie cordiala, Gabriel divulga motivul vizitei sale:

- Mioara, noi de ce ne-am despartit?

- Deci asta te arde pe tine? il intreba amuzata.

- Da, sunt curios.

- Pai ce, nu-ti mai amintesti?

- In parte...

- Pentru ca lucrurile nu mai erau ca la inceput, cu romantism si autenticitate. Si dragule, dupa 4 ani de relatie, credeam si eu ca ma ceri de nevasta! Dar cand am vazut ca n-ai nici cea mai mica intentie... am incetat sa imi mai dau interesul si s-a ales praful de noi.

- Deci tu ai fost de vina!

- Nu Gabi, nu eu. Amandoi! Amandoi suntem egal responsabili pentru acel esec.

- Doamna Popovici, va cauta sefu', ii deranja o asistenta.

- Gabi...

- Du-te si continuam alta data.

- Esti sigur? N-o sa dureze mult.

- Sefu' a zis ca are multa treaba cu dumneavoastra, interveni iar asistenta.

- Vezi?! Esti un om valoros si indispensabil.

- Gabi, lasa flatarile. Lasa-ma sa te pup si ma duc.

"Inca una buna pe care am pierdut-o. Cum de am putut sa fiu atat de prost?" se tot certa Gabriel pe sine, in tramvai sper casa.

- Alo, Maria?

- Da, cu cine vorbesc?

- Sunt Gabriel.

- Tu erai mai?! Dar de ce ma suni la ora asta?

- E de abia ora 8 seara...

- Da, dar tu niciodata nu m-ai sunat asa tarziu.

- Scuze, dar nu am realizat ca e tarziu.

- Pai nu este. Ia zi!

- Daca tot esti acasa, iti fac o vizita?

- Mai... hai! Dar s-a intamplat ceva?

- Nimic. Eram singur si vreau sa vorbim.

- Biiine, hai!

Maria era o inginera ce lucra la Tricodava. A fost iubita lui Gabriel pentru aproape un an, timp in care el s-a despartit de ea de 4 ori. Ea il iubea si si ar mai fi vrut si a cincea oara. Formara un cuplu in urma cu 9 ani, dar au ramas buni prieteni; Maria il consilia in problemele de amor. Ea era cu 3 ani mai mare decat el si era divortata de curand, pe motiv de nepotrivire de caracter. Adevarul e ca sotul ei era bisexual, lucru neagreat de comunisti, asa ca a dat divort si a fugit in Germania, calatorind 4 zile ascuns intr-un camion cu busteni, iarna.

Gabriel batu cu grija in usa prietenei sale care statea doar la cateva strazi distanta.

- Buna. Hai intra!

- Buna. Irina e treaza?

- Am pus-o la culcare. Maine merge iar la gradinita. Iti fac o cafea?

- Da, te rog. Mi-ar fi placut sa o vad. Nu inteleg cum de George te-a lasat asa cu un copil de 5 ani si a fugit...

- Eei nu intelegi?! Stii bine cum. Ia un loc.

Gabriel se aseza langa fereastra de la bucatarie, isi scoase tigarile rusesti si fuma in liniste.

- Si nu ai de gand sa imi spui ce cauti aici?

- Nimic. Eram singur, ca azi am avut liber de la munca si ma aleargau gandurile prin casa.

- Puteam sa jur ca de asta ai venit!

- Stiu ca sunt bun ca amant, mi s-a spus de atatea ori! Dar de ce nu zice nimeni ca sunt bun de sot?

- Eh, domnule Gabriel, treaba e simpla: dumneavoastra inca nu vreti nimic stabil si va place sa va scaldati in ape mici. Cand veti avea curaj sa nu mai inotati cu colacelul, atunci veti gasi si femeia potrivita sa va tina de mana in larg sa nu va inecati.

- Hmm! Zici tu ca-s nehotarat?

- Te-am mintit eu vreodata?

- Nu, dar nici sa n-o faci! Vai, cat de buna e cafeaua asta! Facuta cu dragoste.

- Exact.

- Deci de asta sunt neinsurat, pentru ca sunt nehotarat?

- Gabi, du-te acasa si dormi.

Cateva saptamani mai tarziu, dupa munca, Gabriel se trezi cu mama lui la usa:

- Puiule, in seara asta dorm la tine, ca maine sa mergi cu mine la biserica.

- Dar mama, am si eu programul meu! Vreau si eu ma odihnesc, vreau sa dorm linistit la mine in casa.

- Dar ce mai, eu te nelinistesc?! Sa te tunzi, sa te razi, sa arati lumii cat de frumos esti si maine sa mergem impreuna la biserica. Taci din gura ca o sa iti placa!

A doua zi, stand pe scaune alaturate, mama lui il tinea de mana si, in cele din urma, ii sopti la ureche:

- Ia uite ce fata faina e bruneta aia creata. Inalta, frumoasa, sigur e si desteapta! La final mergem sa vorbim cu ea.

- Nu mergem nicaieri. Ma duc singur sa o salut, ca altfel nu scap de gura ta.

- Ah, deci si tie iti place!

- Nu neaparat! Dar vedem...

Si uite asa, in mintea lui Gabriel s-a nascut o idee.